Changes

So why did this change my life? Because since that day I have tried to live my life for God. He is the most important thing in my life. I don’t always get it right, and I sometimes make a mess, but God has been with me throughout.

My mum and dad were both Christians and brought us up to go to church, read the Bible and pray. But none of this made me a Christian. It was only by believing in Jesus myself, and putting my life under his control that I could become a Christian.

And my faith has grown over the years. There have been good times and there have been bad times. I’m nobody special. And I’m not claiming to be better than anyone else. I recognise that I am only human, but God has put something special in me.

Tragedy

There have been a number of significant moments in my life when I have discovered more about God. Perhaps the most traumatic was the death of my brother, Ian. We had no idea that there was anything wrong with him, and then one morning when he was 15 he just didn’t wake up. We discovered later that he was in the early stages of acute leukaemia. This whole episode was devastating on the whole family. Ian was probably the most popular among his siblings. It was awful discovering him like that. As you can imagine there was much crying and we were all at a loss. And none of us knew why. I believed in a God who cared, and yet why had he let this happen? It was a question that I struggled with. And yet through all the turmoil, I had a strong sense of God speaking to me and just saying very simply, "I still love you". I can’t explain it any other way. There was no answer to my question - and I suspect there won’t ever be. But in a strange way, I began to understand the loss felt by God when his son Jesus died and was separated from him so that I could be united with God. I also felt the sorrow that God felt with the loss of Ian, and that he was there with us in our grief. I still miss Ian. But through it all I felt closer to God.

One of my songs sums it up:

Even through the darkest hours,

I know that you are there

And no matter what I’m feeling

I know you’ll always care.

Your love goes on and on,

It breaks down all my fears,

Reaching to my deepest soul,

It wipes away my tears.

©1980 Sea Dream Music for all the world

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